My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
