i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize