I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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