It's Friday. Sex?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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