he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
