you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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