It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
