I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
