Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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