i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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