I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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