Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
