The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
