you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
