My room smells like vodka and shame
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
