A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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