Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
