the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
