new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
