Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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