I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
