I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
