At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
