there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
