I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
MIDGETS
????
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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