They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
