You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
