My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
