Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
