How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
