Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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