the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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