my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
