i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
