Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize