i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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