He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
