Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
