There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
