I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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