we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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