Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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