Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
