i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
