when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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