i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
