there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
In America we eat man semen.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
