She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
whose ass print is on the piano?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
