sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
