Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
