Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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