remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
