needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
