love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He better not be in your backpack
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
