Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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