Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
