i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
