it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
