I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
