he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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