oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
