the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
