Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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