Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
too bad you live with your parents still
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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