Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
