Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just threw up on my dentist
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize