nutella sex= disaster
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
