The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize