I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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