We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
