Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
