I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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