You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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