Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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