I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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