I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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