I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
