i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
