Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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