My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
