There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
