I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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