Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
