Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
