it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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