Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
