Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
