the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize