Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
