You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
